10. First Pregnancy: You devour every single weekly pregnancy milestone update from BabyCenter.com and know exactly what kind of fruit/vegetable your baby currently resembles.
Second Pregnancy: “How far along am I? Um, let me see…maybe somewhere in the first trimester? Wait, no, third. I think.”
9. First Pregnancy: You diligently avoid all caffeine, alcohol, sushi and other supposed pregnancy no-nos.
Second Pregnancy: “Make it a DOUBLE ESPRESSO. And bring it up to the bathroom where I’m going to be snorting aspirin in a steaming hot bath. Thanks!”
8. First Pregnancy: “Yay! I’m starting to show!”
Second Pregnancy: “Oh, God. I’m starting to show. AND I’M ONLY ONE WEEK PREGNANT.”
7. First Pregnancy: You play French folk music and Learn Japanese CDs before going to sleep in hopes of giving birth to a multilingual genius with an IQ of 150.
Second Pregnancy: Screw the folk music. Nothing wrong with having a child of mediocre intelligence! Because, let’s face it, you want to go to sleep as soon as you can when you already have a child with another on the way.
6. First Pregnancy: You feel the baby kick around 20 weeks.
Second Pregnancy: You feel the baby kick around 12 weeks. And why is that? “Your muscles aren’t as strong the second time around, so you feel it more,” the OB says “helpfully.” *SIGH* A simple “you’re more in-tune with your body” would have sufficed, doc.
5. First Pregnancy: YOU: Guess what? I’m pregnant! FRIENDS & FAMILY: Yaaaaayyyy! This is the best news EVER!
Second Pregnancy: YOU: Guess what? I’m pregnant! FRIENDS & FAMILY: Huh. Was this planned?
4. First Pregnancy: You buy a ton of maternity clothes to show off that beautiful, blossoming bump.
Second Pregnancy: It’s all about sweatpants.
3. First Pregnancy: You have outdone yourself with the nursery, which is beautiful enough to be displayed in the pages of House Beautiful.
Second Pregnancy: You’re not even sure where you’re going to put the kid. Put a blanket in a dresser drawer, perhaps?
2. First Pregnancy: You rub cocoa butter on your stomach every day to avoid stretch marks.
Second Pregnancy: You quickly throw on your sweats to avoid looking at the stretch marks caused by your first pregnancy.
1. First Pregnancy: You and your baby are celebrated at a fun baby shower.
Second Pregnancy: You are lucky if you have the time to take a hot shower.
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