Pregnancy Humor Delivery: Week 5

Welcome to Week 5, Mamacita!

You may already be experiencing some of the “joys” of pregnancy, such as sore breasts (ouch), fatigue (yawn) and frequent urination (seriously, again?!) — yet most people probably don’t even know you’re pregnant yet.  If you’re a party gal, this can lead to a bit of awkwardness at Happy Hour when a co-worker offers you a margarita and you’re all, How do I refuse this drink without raising any red flags?  These people KNOW I never turn down a margarita.  Ever.  Now where is the bathroom because I REALLY need to pee again?!

Never fear!  We just so happen to know a few stealthy ways to avoid that drink:

• Come armed with a flask containing your own virgin beverage (personal flasks are always a classy addition to office functions)
• Seek out all of the plants and shrubbery in the establishment and covertly dump your drink in them when nobody is looking (bonus: hydrangeas LOVE tequila)
• Go home to your cat instead of Happy Hour (if, you know, you like to do it the easy way)

Other important things to know:

10 signs you are so pregnant

What is an acceptable breakfast snack for pregnant women?

A pro tip for dads-to-be

Which produce your baby most resembles this week:

PREGNANCY TERM OF THE WEEK

Advanced maternal age: Pregnancy after 35.  Also known as the age at which women are deemed too old to play Jack Nicholson’s girlfriend.

FUN FACT

During the Medieval Period, men were not allowed anywhere near childbirth situations, a devastating rule that forced disappointed daddies-to-be to watch the big jousting tournament on ESPN with their buddies while their wives spent 14 hours squeezing a watermelon-sized baby through a 10-centimeter hole. Not an easy time for these men, to say the least.

REQUISITE CORNY PREGNANCY JOKE

Q: What do you call a pregnancy that begins while using birth control?
A: A misconception.

More groan-worthy pregnancy jokes here.

Have a laughter-filled week!

Also see:

Week 4