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10 Funniest Things Said During Labor and Delivery

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10 Funniest Things Said During Labor and Delivery

funny-things-said-labor“Funny” may not be the first word that springs to mind when you think about going into labor, but sometimes the chaos — and, yes, the pain — causes women to say some downright funny things.  Here are some amusing real-life quotes that we gleaned from the delivery room, birthing pool, where-have-you…

10.  “The first thing I said when they pulled her out during the c-section and told me that she had a head full of jet black hair was, ‘That’s not my baby.'”

9.  “After I delivered, I yelled, ‘I just shoved that out of my vagina, wahooo!’  I was excited.  lol”

8.  “I had a home birth with DS and between contractions I out of the blue gasped and asked my husband if he had remembered to feed the dogs.  Everybody laughed at me.”

7.  “When the midwife told me to push, I said, ‘You’ve got to be effing kidding me!””

6.  “’She’s so…so… cheesy.’  The baby was placed on my chest immediately after she was born. And she was covered head to toe with vernix.”

5.  “When the doctor was sewing me up, I felt it was taking so long, so I asked him: ‘Are you crocheting down there?’”

4.  “The TV had been on and my labor went faster than expected. So before anyone knew I was even complete, I had started crowning. In the chaos, the TV was left on and it was playing Days of Our Lives… A sex scene no less!…I screamed, ‘Turn it off! Turn it off! Sex is horrible! I am never doing it again!’”

3.  “At one point when I was screaming the nurse said, ‘Honey, you’re going to scare the other moms if you keep screaming.’ I yelled back, ‘They SHOULD be scared!'”

2.  “I was in the birth pool and on all fours when I announced to everyone that being on all fours was how it all started!  Not cool when my mom was right there!!

1.  “I screamed, ‘JUST GET HIM OUT!'”

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  1. Dr Mike

    August 14, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    Mine may not be printable

    The nurse was starting an IV.
    Nurse–Just a little prick.
    Mother— Thats how I got here.

    • Pregnancy Humor Editors

      August 14, 2013 at 9:16 pm

      Printable here! Love it.

  2. Dr Mike

    August 14, 2013 at 7:08 pm

    In the days before Ultrasound, some twin pregnacies were not diagnosed.
    I delivered the first baby, then felt the Uterus and realised that there was a twin there.
    ME: Wonderful , wonderful news , you have twins, you are going to have a second one. You need to start pushing again.
    MOTHER: I’m so full of wonder I’m not sure that I can do that

  3. cindy fouillard

    November 2, 2013 at 11:15 pm

    my friend had her son on april first. she had a c-section and clearly she had an epidural. when the doctor was delivering her baby she said, ” I FEEL EVERYTHING….ha april fools??” i don’t think anyone laughed…but i did.

  4. Pingback: funny pregnancy stories - Pregnancy Humor

  5. Madison

    December 5, 2013 at 9:36 am

    i commented as the nurses were trying to help the baby along “wow, this is my first lesbian experience”, i laughed. The one nurse says “mine too!”. The second nurse says “no its not, youve done this 4 times already today.” First nurse replied back “at least im experienced” LMAO

  6. sonya

    June 9, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    well, being the mother of 7 I’ve said some pretty strange things while in labor and just after delivery. some of the most memorable have to be when just before my daughter (our 6th child) was born I screamed “I just want to go home, can’t you (my husband) push it out this time?!”

    and after delivering my 5th son in our van on the way the hospital, when the very young EMT guy showed up looking super shocked to see a lady half dressed covered in birth I reached up and shook his hand “Hi there, giving birth in public is such a great way to meet new people don’t you think?” the poor guy turned white and almost threw up, while my husband almost fell over laughing.

    • Pregnancy Humor Editors

      August 5, 2014 at 10:44 am

      Love that! Giving birth in public really is one heck of an ice breaker.

  7. Michelle

    May 4, 2015 at 8:20 pm

    While getting ready to push I stated “I don’t want to kick the baby in the head when it comes out” everyone laughed… A real fear at that moment for me. My doula said not to worry she has never seen that happen before and she wouldn’t let that happen. So embarrassing!!!

  8. Maria

    May 14, 2015 at 11:12 am

    When giving birth to my first child, I was completely silent and excused when I accidentally used a strong word.

    My second birth (much to my surprise) was very different. It hurt like h*ll, and I was roaring when I pushed. At my finest moment I screamed “F*ck I have to take a dump”

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